so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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