im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
