you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
last night I used snow as a chaser
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
