dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
