I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
