This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
