Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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