I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
