What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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