From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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