I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
