What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
