I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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