I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
