At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You ruined the universe
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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