Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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