i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
being pregnant is like rehab
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
