o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
