I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
