Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
