You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
