How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
