i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
