I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
