he thought i was a dude.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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