He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
