I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
