I wish I only lived at night.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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