Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
