Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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