my mouth tastes like poor choices
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
