Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
