and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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