Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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