fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
