I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
