Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
