hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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