His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
