eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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