Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
