Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
