I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
NoShamevember. You game?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
