Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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