Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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