Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
