i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
