I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
