hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
