is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's blow job season.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
