Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I want to fling myself into the sun
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
