If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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