Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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