dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
