The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Boobs speak an international language.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
