I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
