This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
