I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
