i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
