maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
