Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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