Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
