She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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