Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
