someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
