Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
